Love, Juliebug: I Miss Her.

I Miss Her.

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Today is the anniversary of the day that my Memere passed away. 11 years ago. How is that possible? Sometimes I look at my daughter and think "Memere would have loved knowing you." Then, our awesome five year old breaks out in song "Jingle bells, jingle bells..." and it's like I am staring into the face of her big Memere. Just like that. My Memere was prone to singing that song in July.


Toward the end of her life her mind had been somewhat compromised by Dementia. It was hard to see her go through that and even harder for my Mom who lived with her. We had been living with her since I was fourteen and though there were frequent frustrations over privacy on my part I loved it. 
I couldn't even throw something away without Memere finding it and saving it. In one case after she passed and we were going through her belongings, we found a porcelain bell. Not just any bell. It was one that my father had given me years back and I had thrown away in some sort of delayed fit of rebellion. Memere found it and saved it. She must have known that I would regret it. And, I had. Regretted it, I mean.
Like it was yesterday I still remember finding elastics (rubber bands) on the back of her doors. I remember the smell of her cooking Gorton (a french pork spread). I remember her warm, often weepy, blue eyes. She loved to listen to me sing although probably not at the concert levels I approached while in my room alone.
I miss her and that will never change.
memere and me


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